This is my chair

As the poems that I shared from “I Could Pee on This – & other poems by cats” was so well received, I thought I’d share a couple more…

This is my chair

This is my chair

This is my couch

That is my bed

That is my bench

There is my chaise

There is my settee

Those are my footstools

Those are my rugs

Everywhere is my place to sleep

Perhaps you should just get a hotel room.

 

FOREVER

I could lie by your side for the rest of our lives

I think I’ll walk away right now.

I could let you pet me for a hundred years

I think we need some time apart

I could be kissed a thousand thousand times

I think I’m needed somewhere else

I could sit on your lap forever

I said, I could sit on your lap forever

Don’t you even think of trying to get up

Well, you should have gone to the bathroom beforehand

Because forever is a very, very long time.

I could Pee on This

Knowing our cats’ propensity for not exactly using the litter tray for its correct purpose, my brother gave me this little book for Christmas:

 

I thought I’d share a couple of the poems:

I COULD PEE ON THIS

Her new sweater doesn’t smell of me

I could pee on that

She’s gone out for the day and

left her laptop on the counter

I could pee on that.

Her new boyfriend just pushed my head away

I could pee on him.

She’s ignoring me ignoring her

I could pee everywhere.

She’s making up for it

by putting me on her lap.

I could pee on this

I could pee on this.

 

UNBRIDLED LOVE

I knead your chest with my sharp claws

To show you my affection

I bite your arm and don’t let go

To show you adoration.

I walk across your throat at night

Because I want to say “Hello!”

I leap from high onto your crotch

Because I miss you so.

I trip you when you walk downstairs

so you know I’m always near,

I sit on your face and block all your air

So my absence you need not fear.

I show my love in so many ways

My devotion runneth over –

So I don’t know why when I approach

You duck and run for cover.

 

Sometimes when I lie on you warm chest

And hear your every happy sigh

I gaze into your two kind eyes

And wonder “Who is that?!

Shakespeare (?) answers

So yesterday, I put some Shakespeare quotations through Bing Translate , Latvian, then Mandarin, then back to English, and I challenged you to guess what they were…

  1. Whether it’s home or not, it’s a problem.
  2. Shred Sp. Pilksta
  3. Not everything is a golden one.
  4. And the winter i can’t get home
  5. The light on the window will break.
  6. I’m going to be okay, because I want to.
  7. All the world stage, and all men and women have only balls:
  8. Put the cambridge, I see it in front of me, take care of my hand
  9. Of course, love never runs smoothly.
  10. What about you, Brut?
  11. If you pierce me, I’ll bleed?

 

The answers are:

  1. To be or not to be
  2. Eye of newt and toe of frog
  3. All that glisters is not gold
  4. Now is the winter of our discontent
  5. What light through yonder window breaks
  6. We are such stuff as dreams are made of
  7. All the world’s a stage, and men and women merely players…
  8. Is this a dagger that I see before me, its handle turned towards my hand
  9. The course of true love never did run smooth
  10. Et tu, Brute?
  11. If you prick us, do we not bleed?

 

I think my favourites are (4) and (6)!

Family Quiz with a difference…

Like a lot of families, my side of the family has been meeting every week for a Fzamily Quiz – it gives us the chance to see each other, with the fun structure of a quiz, meaning there’s no awkward silences…

  • There’s my mum & sister in Liverpool
  • my brother, my niece, Rose, her husband David, & their two young sons in Manchester
  • my other niece, her husband David, & their two young children in Malaya
  • my nephew, and his girlfriend , aso in Manchester.
  • my other nephew, his wife & their two young children in Edinburgh
  • and us in France.

2.00 pm our time, 1.00 pm UK time and 8.00 pm Malaya time.

When it started the questions were fairly normal quiz questions…Rose started us off, then Judy & mum, then it was me & Mr FD. We shook it up a bit with an “Only Connect” type of round.

This started a trend then, with some slightly more off-the-wall rounds, which I offer to you as a change, if you’re looking for something a bit different!

Ruth, in Malaya offered us some slightly different rounds, telling us that her Year 7s managed them easily – her rounds included “Kanye or Shakespeare?” (were the quotes from a Kanye West song, or from Shakespeare?) and some of the 26 L in the A type questions.

Conor in Manchester then started the “Question Master’s hat” – wearung a very splendid Jester-y top hat – and asked some tricky questions, along the lines of “designed to be able to be kept in the fridge for a year, what is a Cosmic Crisp? (a type of apple) and what is a “Pink Fairy” a type of? (armadillo) He also had a round of “Which is longer/bigger/heavier…?” such as “Which is bigger: the height of Michael Phelps or a cell of DNA stretched out?” (Actually not a good example as there was some -ahem – “discussion” about this…)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(They look the same to me!!)

 

Today’s was the most diverse though, led by Kieran, a primary school teacher, in Edinburgh. His QMHat was a child’s fireman Sam hat!

Round 1 was “Lip reading” where his microphone was muted and he & Louisa said various items from different categories – including Takeaway food!

Round 2 was “Victorian novel or Farrow & Ball paint colour”? (Or “Is it a book…or is it a Look?” as Kieran kept asking!) This included “Dead Salmon”, “Villette” and “Nancy’s Blushes” (look, book, look)

Round 3 was Name this Flower, where he sent photos to the Family WhatsApp group to identify the flower.

Then Round 4 was the most riotous as it was First Back to the Screen with this Item… Conor, living in a small flat, was at an advantage here and was crowned the winner. The things we had to find included ” a mouthful of milk”, “a handful of dirt”, “something alive” (this would be the only week we hadn’t been joined by a cat!), “something that smells bad” (our cat litter tray was just pipped to the post by a recently changed nappy!!) and “a vegetable” Mr FD was my runner for this & he was relieved he could get everything without running upstairs, but even so, we only got 1 point!

It has been fun, and I have actually seen more of my family than I would do usually…I wonder if it will carry on after we have gone back to “normal” Probably not. It does get in the way of Mr FD’s cycling, as he likes to go out about 1.00/ 1.30 and I’m sure the Young Things will have other more exciting events (like football matches!) to go to, but for now it is a pleasant hour’s interlude, that has started to provide us with quite a few amusing incidents!

We’re thinking of having a round of song lyrics translated into a foreign language and then retranslated back…

  • We’ll meet again, well, I’ll know for a while.
  • Remember to call you a heart, and then you can start to make it better.
  • Admirable elegance, a good sound
  • Oh, oh, all faithful to you.

These were from English, to Latvian, to Mandarin & back again. Not great examples, but this has possibilities I think!

(Answers: We’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when/ Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better/ Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound…/ Oh come all ye faithful…)

Alternatively, well known Shakespeare quotations might work:

  • Whether it’s home or not, it’s a problem.
  • Shred Sp. Pilksta
  • Not everything is a golden one.
  • And the winter i can’t get home
  • The light on the window will break.
  • I’m going to be okay, because I want to.
  • All the world stage, and all men and women have only balls:
  • Put the cambridge, I see it in front of me, take care of my hand
  • Of course, love never runs smoothly.
  • What about you, Brut?
  • If you pierce me, I’ll bleed?

 

I like some of these…can you guess what they are?

I’ll tell you tomorrow!

Chaos! But fun

We’ve just had a chaotic but enjoyable Family Quiz via a Zoom-type app. With us in France, my niece & family in Malaysia, mum & my sister in Liverpool, a nephew in Manchester, and my brother and his daughter and her family in another bit of Manchester, it seemed 2 pm our time was the most suitable time. The chaos side came when you add a 3 year old “helping” the question setter, and demanding oranges and crisps, plus a baby plus another young one elsewhere, and then a screen that froze and meant that Mum & Judy couldn’t speak!! With five screens all speaking at once, plus Judy & Mum typing into the “chat” function,  you can imagine the confusion…!!

But it was fun, and my brother won by 1.5 points. Mr FD’s pride was wounded by that, so he aims to win next time!!

Actually next time may well be more chaotic as we add another nephew and his family to the mix. They’re in Edinburgh, but couldn’t join in as they had to tale Rosa (the oldest) to the doctor’s. Apparently, if there are any questions on “Pokemon or being grumpy” Rosa will be a great asset to the team!!

We’re doing a “show and tell” with Mr FD’s family tomorrow – show something from a holiday or a special place and talk about it! I still haven’t decided what I’m showing, but I think it might be a little pot that I painted at a Medieval fair in 1992. We stayed in a village called Montferrat, from 15-29th August (I only know that because it’s painted on the pot!) but I think the fete was at a place called Brignoles.

That’s how we’re spending the weekend!

 

Work Experience

Every year, the young people who are in troisième – the last year before they go to Lycée – have to do a stage, which is basically a week of work experience, in a shop, a business, an office, or wherever they can find. Most schools have them doing this round about the same time, so you can imagine that it’s sometimes quite hard to find somebody who is willing to take on a stagiaire, who hasn’t been already metaphorically reserved by someone else!

A few year’s ago, my friend’s son, Flynn, (bi-lingual) was able to go to the UK (his parents paid for flights, obviously!) to spend a week with his uncle, who is a plumber. He then did his oral report (which counts as part of the Brevet – GCSE equivalent) in French & English. He got 100% in his grade. The hope was that his sister, India, would be able to do the same, but to follow her Aunt, who works in sales. Unfortunately, due to business trips & prior engagements, this didn’t work out, so she asked if she could follow me instead. I agreed, and so it was all planned. Last week, she was “my” stagiaire, and this was the planned timetable:

MONDAY 5 hours
 
09.00 – 12.00 Group lesson

(Bonjour World)

12.15-12.45 Yves (BW)
12.45-13;30 LUNCH!!
13.30-14.00 Olivier (BW)
14.00-16.00 PAUSE
16.00 – 17.00 Paul (BW)
TUESDAY 5.5 hours
 
09.00-10.30 Jean Luc (BW)
10.30-12.00 Cedric (BW)
12.00 – 13.30 PAUSE
13.30-15.00 Roman (MF)
16.00_17.00 Pascal (BW)
WEDNESDAY 7 hours
 
10.15 – 11.45 Yvalda
11.45-12.30 PAUSE
12.30- 13.15 Valentin
13.20-14.20 Adam
14.20-15.20 Yannis
15.20- 16.35 PAUSE
16.35-17.20 Maelan
17.30- 18.30 Lilou
THURSDAY 4 hours
 
10.00-11.00 Charlene (BW)
11.00 – 14.00 PAUSE
14.00-15.30 Audrey (MF)
15.30- 17.30 PAUSE
17.30 – 19.00 Aicha (MF)
FRIDAY 5.5 hours (or 4.5)
8.30 – 10.00 Rachele (MF)
10.00- 11.30 Sylvain (MF)
11.30-12.15 PAUSE
12.15 – 13.15 Conversation Class (MF)
13.15- 14.45 Lionel (MF)

It all started quite well… She would see how an English teacher worked and how I buzzed about to different companies for my lessons.

Monday was fine, as the pause gave her a chance to ask me questions, and to have a look round Bonjour World.It started to fall apart on Tuesday – we had the two lessons in the morning, but the student at 13.30 wasn’t starting until the following week, so we had a 4 hour gap to fill! We visited the Metaform main office, so she could compare the two, and we ate our lunch there…Then what to do? Finally we went to Noz, and wandered round as slowly as we could, then we sat in the car park and watched half of the movie “Ghostbusters” on Indie’s phone   until it was 16h and time for the next lesson. We arrived in the company, only to find the student had forgotten the lesson (or couldn’t be bothered cancelling it) and was out on business…We’d hung around aimlessly for 4 hours, when we could have gone home. OK, I’m getting paid for the 1.5 hours of lesson, but not for the four hours of wasted time.

On Wednesday, I had two students cancel too – in good time, so there’s no penalty for them – so again, we had 3 hours to kill. So my stagiaire on “work experience” came to Lidl with me to do the shopping, then we went to the hospital to make my appointment for a check up, and then to McDonald’s for an ice cream!!

The day did have its compensations though, as India was rather taken with one of the young men I teach! I think he rather liked her too, as there was some mutual blushing going on!! As India is trying to decide which Lycée to go to, I think that Adam may be a draw to one in particular!!

On Thursday plans went awry too – the afternoon student had to cancel (in good time) for an important meeting, so we were left with 6.5 hours to kill. So I took her for lunch…

Burgers in the Garden Ice Café (which were very delicious!) and then we went shopping…

By 16h we were both flagging so we went to the Metaform Centre Ville office, where my next lesson was, and relaxed on a sofa with a cup of tea and a book. India fell asleep, but I failed to get a photo of that! My student arrived promptly, so we had the lesson and then went home.

Friday went according to plan (save for no Conversation Class) and as we had finished by 14.45 we decided to go to the pictures! We went to see Jojo Rabbit, which we both really enjoyed. Mark Kermode, whose opinion I trust, was, however, less of a fan. In my opinion, his description of the imaginary Hitler as “more like a petulant schoolboy than a murderous dictator” misses the point; I think the Imaginary Hitler was voicing Jojo’s thoughts and so when Imaginary Hitler was questioning Jojo’s reasos for doing something (in a petulant manner) it was Jojo himself questioning his own motives. And when Jojo finaly turned on Imaginary Hitler, he was turning on his own Nazi beliefs… But maybe I’m wrong. I found it balanced the tragic with the comic well, and made us sympathise with the young boys and girls brainwashed by the Nazi propaganda. I’d recommend it.

The film had just finished, and the credits were rolling, as I turned my phone on – immediately I got a call. It was one of India’s teachers calling to see how her stage had gone. I almost answered by saying “Excuse me, we’re in the cinema…” but luckily didn’t! I answered the questions with a good report – after all, she had done well, helping with games and answering/asking questions, so there was nothing negative to say.

I finished the week popping into see India’s mum for a glass of wine!