Exactly where I need to be…

Recently I’ve been starting to wonder if I’m too “comfortable” in my relationship with God…

I’m not feeling challenged.

I’m not feeling uncomfortable.

I’m not feeling edgy.

I’m feeling loved, and contented, and safe.

I’m not feeling “on fire”.

I’m not feeling called to “do” stuff.

I feel as though I’m “being”.

But then it struck me that the well known and well loved Psalm says:

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters…

He makes me lie down, he leads me by quiet waters. Yes, there are valleys of shadows that need facing, but there are also green pastures to lie in.

A good shepherd isn’t always challenging his sheep to go higher, further…Yes, if it’s necessary for food, or for safety, then he will lead them somewhere else, but if they need to lie and recuperate, and “be” then he allows them to do that.

In the past couple of years I’ve been through quite a lot: my breast cancer, the treatment, the recuperation, the going back to work, the side effects of the hormonetherapy, the worry of Mr FD’s unemployment benefits ending, some financial crises, the changes at church that have meant I’ve taken on more preaching responsibilities… All of these things have taken their toll on me, and I think that God is telling me to just rest, and relax and enjoy the peace.

I am exactly where I need to be.

And instead of fretting and wondering and thinking about what I think I should be doing, I should be resting, as my Shepherd wants me to do, and feeling contented in the love of my Father.

6 thoughts on “Exactly where I need to be…

  1. “Be still and know that I am God” comes to mind, as well as Ps 131
    “I have calmed and quieted myself,
    I am like a weaned child with its mother;
    like a weaned child I am content. “
    I am glad you are able to accept your condition and need to rest and simply BE. I am reminded also of a book called The Stature of Waiting by W H Vanstone. The Amazon site has this description: We set great store by activity and busy-ness. We want to be ‘in control’. We value what we ‘do’ more than who we are. So when we become ill, or retire from work, or suffer an enforced period of inactivity, our self-esteem is threatened. This classic of spiritual writing transforms our understanding of the experience of illness, or of being out of work, of feeling inactive and powerless.

  2. The other imagery is that of the vine: it doesn’t just grow on regardless, but in season lies fallow. And when it does grow, not everything grows, some branches wither. Rt Rev Stephen Croft felt that this is the analogy we should consider in church and personal growth, rather than the corporate ideas we often end up chasing.

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